What Makes You Different
by Moonchild10
Summary: (Cherry Flavored Ham, renamed)Nny and Devi are both having doubts about the past. *It is finished now!!!*
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I don't own Johnny or anything. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Meh heh. is has a weird name, I know. But there's a reason. For once, some thing Johnny oriented has a tiny possibility of coming out with a happy ending. Possibly. We'll see. This story takes place after the seventh JTHM comic. And if you didn't read it, him & Devi still aren't on very good terms. His hair also grew back, because I think it looks awesome in the seventh, but I keep forgetting it fell out in the first place, so yeah. And Devi looks like she does in the first book of her comic series, 'I Feel Sick' . You know, with her purple hair. Here we go..............................................................Johnny C. was walking along the dirty road, thinking. He'd been alone a lot since he'd almost killed his one-time girlfriend, Devi. He still felt sort of bad about that. It had been the doughboys, but he blamed himself for everything going so....bad. She was the only person who'd ever made him truly happy, and then the doughboys talked him into trying to kill her. They'd always done that.  
  
Johnny hadn't killed anybody since Mmy had showed up and provoked him with his bad character traits (see JTHM #7). That was a long time. Almost six months. Oh yeah, He HAD almost killed Allie. She'd seemed so nice. She'd only been his second date in his life, and she'd been a huge disappointment compared to Devi. Actually a huge disappointment compared to anyone. She'd just been a jerk. A total, flat out jerk. She'd started out OK, but then he found out she was a cheerleader. That was OK, he could live with that. Cheerleaders normally would never go out with him, EVER. He could overlook that she was a species that he generally hated.  
  
And then she'd started dissing people he actually cared about. Actually, he didn't care about anyone she dissed except for one person.  
  
flashback  
  
"So, what are you into?" Allie had asked, slurping a chow mien noodle into her mouth.  
  
"um...." Johnny had said shyly. He couldn't really remember what he'd been into before the homicidal maniac thing had set in. Before the doughboys had driven him nuts. He remembered something in his past, on a smoggy horizon, something he'd put passion into. Something he'd loved deeply. "I like painting," he'd said uncertainly. The only reason he'd ever decided to take this girl he partially knew on a date when she asked him was because he wanted to be a semi normal young guy again like before he'd started killing. Only problem was, he'd been a teen when it had started. Not he was pretty much a legal adult ( I don't really know his actual age), at 19 years old. OK, it was still a teen year, but the last.  
  
"Oh. Well, I like shopping," Allie said.  
  
"Oh," Johnny had said.  
  
"So, I've seen you at the mall. Where do you go there?" Allie asked.  
  
Nny stiffened. The only places he went were places he could tell she'd never go. Not if she was under severe torture. But you had to be truthful on first dates, or else you might forget what lies you'd told earlier when you went on later dates, though Johnny was beginning to think this might be the last date. He always went to those places where they were exhibiting paintings that were either creepy or morbid. He wasn't sure why, but he was drawn to those sort of places. They gave off some weird sort of dark feeling that Johnny felt was part of him. Last week he'd gone in one, and there was this painting that caught his eye. It was this amazing picture of a dragon. It looked like it was in hell or something. Everything behind it was dark, and it was crying, or at least it looked like it was about to. It had this look of intense emotional pain on its face that Johnny knew only too well. And it was bleeding. He was unable to stop looking at that thing. It just mesmerized him. And then he noticed who it was by.  
  
Devi.  
  
He knew she painted, but she told him she just did science fiction stuff. And he'd heard she was working, doing paintings for this science fiction thing called NERVE, though the whole thing didn't really make sense to him. And then he saw that painting that she'd done. It was amazing. And he really liked it, until he saw the title.  
  
It was called "Aftermath of Nny."  
  
Proof that the whole ordeal with the doughboys pressuring Johnny to kill her, and then her sort of kicking his a** had hurt Devi as much as it had hurt him.  
  
He'd never really thought about that. But now that he did he realized it couldn't possibly have not hurt her.  
  
"I like going to those.....morbid art exhibits. You know, the dark, evil ones. Uh, like death oriented," He said, voice getting smaller and smaller, seeing the bemused look on her face.  
  
"Oh. That's nice," Allie said. She sounded as uncomfortable as Nny felt. They were both feeling like maybe this wasn't working out. They were much too different.  
  
"So, what else do you...um..like?" Nny had asked.  
  
"I like goofing on people," Allie said.  
  
Oh, so she was the type. The perfect type who picked on people like Nny. Not him specifically, but people like him.  
  
"Like who?" Nny had asked curiously.  
  
"Well, that Tess girl. I don't get why Dillan would go out with her. She's so freaky," Allie said.  
  
"Oh. Um.." Nny said, not able to think of much else.  
  
"And that Devi chick."  
  
Nny froze.  
  
"Devi?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah. She's such a weirdo. I used to be her kind- of friend. But then I guess I changed. Me and her were just too different. We both changed. She's such a loser," Allie said.  
  
Nny went stiffer.  
  
"Loser?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah. She's just.....too different. You know. I make fun of her and her friend...Tenna, a lot. But Devi' s just loser even more than her friend. You know what it's like," Allie said.  
  
Nny was getting really mad. Different? He was way more 'different' than Devi was. Allie just didn't know him.  
  
Something was going to burst inside his head.  
  
He was going to kill her without persuasion from Psycho Doughboy and Mr. F.  
  
But he couldn't. That part of his life was over. No more killing.  
  
But he found himself doing something very surprising. He didn't kill. He argued. For the first time in his life he resorted too something other than killing.  
  
"She isn't a loser," Nny said, very quietly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Look, Johnny, you're nice and all, but I don't think this is working out."  
  
"Yeah. Me either."  
  
"Well, I gotta go," Allie said. She waved and left.  
  
Nny slumped into his seat. He'd been rejected again. But he didn't like that girl. He left the little restaurant and headed to the mall.  
  
Subconsciously, he found himself heading toward the art gallery, and up to Devi's painting, way in the back where it didn't get seen much because she wasn't an artist who got paid. He stared at it for a long time.  
  
"Do you miss me too?" he asked softly to the canvas. But he wasn't talking to the canvas.  
  
He was talking to the artist, who would never talk to him again.  
  
Where was Devi now, when he actually regretted ruining stuff between them? ***  
  
More soon, OK? 


	2. Second Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
***A girl of about 18 with purple hair was walking alone through the mall.  
  
Devi.  
  
She stopped into the art gallery, where Nny was gone from now. He'd left about 15 min. ago, to get a cherry doom brainfreezy.  
  
She went in the back, to see if her painting was still there. It was, of course. She looked at it for a moment. She was surprised at her emotions when she thought back on a few...OK almost a year ago.  
  
"Oh Nny, why did you have to ruin everything? I know somehow you didn't mean to, but things felt so good between us. I guess I was stupid to give guys a chance again. Just like all the other times. I'm gonna die single. No question. 'Cause guys just don't get me. But I think you did. You were different. Maybe in bad ways too, though. Oh man, I'm talking to him like he's with me or something. I should really see a shrink. Or at least Tenna," Devi said, shaking her head and exiting the gallery.  
  
An hour later Devi and Tenna were walking through the mall.  
  
"So, what's the problem?" Tenna asked, squeaking a small rubber skeleton doll that she called Spooky.  
  
"I told you a while ago, I think I'm going crazy. And now I'm going even deeper," Devi said, staring at a window display as they passed. Mannequins creeped her out somehow.  
  
"And how's that?" Tenna asked, giving Spooky another squeeze to make him squeak.  
  
"I miss Nny. And I keep talking to him, even though he's not around. It's like I think there's some mental connection or something so he can actually hear me. I'm going even more nuts," Devi said.  
  
"Oh come on, how's that make 'ya crazy? It's normal to miss a guy you went out with," Tenna said calmly.  
  
"Are YOU crazy, Tenn? He tried to kill me!" Devi said, flabbergasted.  
  
"Yeah but-"  
  
"Tenna please! We both know he's completely crazy! But he was so nice, and I liked him a lot. And then he tried to kill me and I had to kick his a**, and I think he's hurt about things not working out just like I am. It's usually easier to get over guys I dated for me. But I can't forget how it was when I was with him. It was like he was different than most guys. And I guess he was," Devi said.  
  
"Yeah, he's a homicidal weirdo!" Tenna said, squeaking Spooky.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. But I still feel sort of bad. But I shouldn't. I still feel like...maybe he deserves another chance," Devi said.  
  
"hmm, maybe he does," Tenna said, examining a small piece of dirt on Spooky' s head.  
  
"He'll just try to kill me again," Devi said.  
  
"Maybe, maybe not," Tenna said.  
  
"Uh," Devi said.  
  
"Come on, sleep on it," Tenna said.  
  
"I might," Devi said.  
  
"Yay!" Tenna said. She loved when Devi took her advice.  
  
"Well, I still have to get back to the bookstore. I started working there again, part time. The NERVE work isn't paying for everything yet," Devi said.  
  
"OK, bye bye," Tenna said, ducking into Vampirecrombie and Bitch, the local goth/punk clothing store. (ha ha, I hate Ambercrombie and Fitch. Ugh. Not offense to people who do)  
  
Devi headed toward the exit. Then she headed toward the bookstore where she had again begun to work, Dragon Books.  
  
Devi was behind the counter later, waiting for people to come in and buy books. She sat, reading a new release science fiction novel. Suddenly the bell on the door tinkled, and Devi looked up. She jumped three feet in the air when she saw that it was Nny who had entered.  
  
He headed toward the back, as Devi watch suspiciously. But soon she noticed that he wasn't doing anything alarming and went back to her book.  
  
Minutes later Devi looked up. Nny wasn't looking for a book at all. He was watching her. But not like he was stalking her. Like he was just there so he could see her.  
  
Like before they'd gone on that single date.  
  
Now it was the ONLY way he could see her.  
  
His face was sad, sadder than she could have ever imagined that anyone could look. When he saw her looking he quickly ducked behind the shelves. Devi shook her head. Minutes later he left. Devi went back to her book.  
  
But she couldn't get that sad face out of her head.  
  
More soon. 


	3. Nail Bunny's Revelation

*** Later that day, Nny got home with a cherry doom brainfreezy. He slumped down on his old sofa in the dark. He felt strange. For years, being a homicidal maniac had been eating up all his free time. Now he felt almost like a regular person, home from a long day of hardships, slumped on the couch to watch Tv and later go to bed to dream regular dreams. He felt like doing something he'd never considered. He got up and headed for his basement, down the besmirched steps, down into the fusty labyrinth of rooms that traversed through the lower quarters of Nny's abode. He headed down, lower and lower into the lowest section of the dwelling.  
  
He opened a door and stepped into a shadowy room. He switched on the light. Hundreds upon hundreds of prisoners hung from the dark, stained ramparts. Some of them lifted their heads dazedly when the light flooded in. Others had starved to death.  
  
"You!" said one of them wrathfully, staring at Nny with abhorrence. (sorry so many big words. I've been using my computer's synonym dictionary.)  
  
"Yes, me," Nny said calmly.  
  
"You're the one who..hung us up here...aren't you?" asked one of them feebly.  
  
"Yes, that is me. Now, I see that you look most...uncomfortable. I'll be willing to let you all go, if you don't try any funny business on your way out," Nny said in a businesslike manner.  
  
"You would never," said one of them, voice full of loathing.  
  
Nny responded by pushing the button that unlocked all the prisoners' shackles and left the room. He went up into a bedroom, and sat down on the bed he'd forgotten he owned. A minute later all the walking noises were gone. Johnny left the room, and went out into his living room. He's just freed the prisoners of his entire homicidal period. There was nothing left to remind him of his prior life now but the exploded, splintered wall downstairs where the 'thing' (fun fact: it's not a moose) that had burst through his wall and come out of, and now it was gone to somewhere Johnny had no idea about, along with the doughboys, and he'd even gotten rid of that creepy little burger boy. Now, he was a slave to nothing. Not to the wall. Not to the doughboys. Not that burger boy. Not anything. He was his own now. There was also an occasional dried blood spot on the wall or floor, and the huge splotch of dried blood from his own fatal bullet wound (see # 4 &5 of JTHM) that had come seeping out of his head, still there to remind him. The scar was gone from the wound, strangely enough. He wondered how it had healed so completely.  
  
Nny sat quietly, a mixture of emotions surging inside of him. He wanted desperately to talk to someone, someone who would listen to him. He missed the voices even, now he was so alone. He hugged his knees.  
  
"Nail Bunny?" he whispered, willing, hoping, praying for an answer from the deceased rabbit. He missed the voice of Nail Bunny. The only one who'd talk to him, and listen, though he knew Nail Bunny's voice was really his own subconscious voice speaking. And suddenly, he heard it, a tiny whisper.  
  
"Yes," the whisper came, quiet and almost inaudible.  
  
Nny leaped up off the bed.  
  
"Nail Bunny!?" he gasped.  
  
"You're better now, aren't you Nny?" came Nail Bunny's voice, soft and almost muted.  
  
"Yes! I think s, Bunny," Nny said fervently, hoping the voice would continue.  
  
"You freed the prisoners, you stopped the killing, you got rid of those that provoked you, and now you're slowly regaining sanity. Things are becoming as they should be. The face that I, who am really you, am speaking again is proof that you're getting better, Nny. Things will be OK again. Just like you always dreamed. Everything will be fine now," N.B. (Nail Bunny) said.  
  
"Bunny, I still have things to work out. I almost killed Devi. You remember, I told you before. I feel awful about it," Nny said.  
  
"You should," N.B. said.  
  
"I know," Nny said, looking at the beaten floorboards.  
  
"You feel guilty?"  
  
"Yes. I almost killed her. I'm actually glad she beat me up. If I'd killed her, I'd feel even worse. She never did anything to me. I'm nuts,"  
  
"You love her, don't you Nny?" N.B. asked.  
  
Nny looked at the floor.  
  
Silence.  
  
"No. There's no way, Nail Bunny. At least I don't think so," Johnny said.  
  
"Then why do you care so much, when you've killed so many people before without a second thought?" Nail Bunny asked, floating up in front of Nny' s face.  
  
Nny looked again at the floor. "I don't know. I just don't know. But I can't.......love anyone like this. I'm a shattered human. You know that," Nny said.  
  
"Not quite so. You're becoming actually sane again, Nny. Everyone has emotions," N.B. said.  
  
"But, I can't ," Nny said. He kicked at something on the floor that wasn't in reality there.  
  
"You can, you know it Nny. Because I think so, and I'm actually just you. You're having this discussion with yourself in veracity, you know. So you must somewhere deep inside know it," N.B. said.  
  
"Oh, stop your prying Nail Bunny!" Nny said, covering his head with his hands in aggravation.  
  
"I'm not prying. I'm actually your own voice. You're prying through your own emotions because love scares you. And you know it," Bunny said.  
  
"No! No love does not scare me! I don't know it, so I can't be afraid of it! Stop!" Nny said.  
  
"It scares you. I know it scares you. You hide from her when you see her, and back when she tried to kiss you, you ran away. Because you were afraid," Nail Bunny said.  
  
"No! No! No! no! no! NO! Stop it! Just stop it! Stop it now! STOP! " Nny shouted. He covered his head with his hands and clutched his hair, shaking his head rapidly back and forth.  
  
"Fine. I will stop, Nny. But you know I'm right," Nail Bunny said.  
  
Late into the night Nny sat motionless for hours on end, mulling over what Nail Bunny had said. He was silent. The skittering cockroaches running by his immobile form didn't even notice he was there.  
  
Nny pondered and pondered, and soon as the darkness swallowed up everything for real, he realized a very startling truth.  
  
"Nail Bunny was right. Everything he said about me. He's right. I never realized it before, but he was right. But how can it be? I'm too holed up inside my mind right now to feel emotions. Let alone this............... Love, which is certainly new to me. And this strange sense of longing and culpability. It's all very strange," Nny muttered to himself.  
  
It was all new to Nny what he was feeling. He'd never felt any of the things he was feeling right now before.  
  
"Maybe I am getting better. Maybe I'm becoming.........human again. That, remains to be seen," Nny whispered to himself in the dark. And then he surprised himself. He gave a little smile.  
  
Dee dee dee dee dee. La la. Um, I'll do more soon. I guess. 


	4. In The Dead Of The Night

Disclaimer: If I owned JTHM of IFS or any of Jhonen's work, do you think I'd waste time writing about it? No, he is the true genius here. I only among the lowly organisms who wish for such talent, and write comics about stick figures worse than the infamous Happy Noodle Boy. Here's some more.  
  
Incoming: Nonsense.  
  
Nny walked silently past Dragon Books, near to tears. He was holding a brainfreezy, and for once he'd decided on frosty peanut instead of cherry doom. He was thinking. He'd gotten out of his house pretty late after hours of mulling and pondering. He was near tears because for the first time in his life, he was in love, and he hadn't realized it 'til just now.  
  
He wondered if he should go into the bookstore and see if Devi was there, but he remembered that it was almost three in the morning. He forgot the time most often, because he didn't sleep anymore. Sleep only brought unpleasant memories, replayed in full color. The times his abusive father had beaten him when he was small, the day his mother had died.  
  
He remembered it only too well, the day full of dread. How she'd left to go to the store, how his father had gone with her. How little Nny, only 11, had stayed home alone, and was spared from death. His father had stabbed his mother in the car, because he was drunk. He wished he had died then, because he never would have hurt so many people if he had died before he started killing. And the first murder had been his father. He'd been so angry after years of torture that he'd just finally poisoned him.  
  
Nny wiped the tears away, and walked on. The street was dingy, and snow was beginning to fall softly.  
  
***Across town, in a small apartment, Devi sat up trying to paint something for NERVE.  
  
"Shit!" she finally hollered, and slashed a huge mark of purple across the whole painting, panting and shaking with anger. "Oh great. Not I gotta start over. Fuck, fuck, fuck," Devi hissed. She didn't have her mind on the painting. At all. She was dwelling on other things. She finally threw her paintbrush down and grabbed her long, tan leather coat. She put it on over the black tank top and purple baggy pants she was wearing with boots, and swept out the door. On the way out of the apartment building, on the next floor down, she heard music blasting from Tenna's apartment. She'd fallen asleep with music on again.  
  
Devi knew it was late, but she left anyway. She wasn't sure where she was going really.  
  
Nny continued to walk along the street, and cast his eyes downward every time he heard someone pass. They all stared at him. Of course. He was 'wacky'.  
  
Nny looked up at the bright lights in the distance. He wished there was someone out there who would make him feel wanted, like most people did. Because he felt like shit. A filthy piece of shit that someone had thrown outside because they detested it.  
  
Suddenly there was a motion to his left. He hadn't been aware of anyone coming; he'd been so lost in thought. He was determined to look away, but he recognized the figure nearing him. She had purple hair, and she was moving swiftly, though she looked as though she was only wandering aimlessly. Her head was almost cast all the way down. She was slouched as she walked, a troubled figure.  
  
As they passed each other by, Nny looked cautiously at her. She didn't seem to notice him until he looked at her. Her eyes slid over his form, and locked into his for a moment as she passed.  
  
"Devi?" Nny whispered softly as he passed her. She didn't hear him. He watched her go mournfully, not even sure if she recognized him.  
  
Yes, that was Nny, Devi thought. She hated him. She wanted him dead. But somehow, somewhere deep inside herself, she couldn't bring herself to really hate him. She told herself she did, but what she felt was really divergent to what she led herself to believe she felt. She didn't hate him at all.  
  
But she had to.  
  
But she didn't.  
  
Yes she did.  
  
No.  
  
She loved him.  
  
She couldn't quite understand how, he'd tried to kill her and obviously hated her, but she loved him all the same. Why? Life was so complicated.  
  
Nny watched Devi head off in the opposite direction.  
  
Devi headed into a dark alley. Her mind was buzzing with twisted convulsions of thoughts, and she paid no attention to where she was going.  
  
Until it was too late.  
  
She suddenly felt someone hold her hands behind her back.  
  
"What the fuck!" she asked.  
  
"Shut up girlie," a strange voice said.  
  
"What do you want?" Devi asked, struggling against the strong man's grasp.  
  
"What do you think?" he asked.  
  
"Get the hell away from me!" Devi yelled.  
  
A little way off, Nny was walking still when he heard that familiar voice shout.  
  
"Devi," he said, plain and simple. What was going on? He took off.  
  
Back in the alley, Devi was surprised that she hadn't been able to escape. He attacker was somehow keeping her immobile.  
  
She was struggling fiercely, trying to escape the man's grasp, when suddenly there was a whirring sound, and a dull thunk. Devi was aware of the spatter of blood, and the gasp on the attacker. He threw her on the ground.  
  
"Mighty fuck!" the attacker gasped, collapsing. He pulled himself back to his feet Devi looked up and saw her attacker yank something sharp and glinting from his neck.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" the attacker rasped, glaring at the thrower of the knife. Whoever had thrown it was right now a shadow.  
  
The 'shadow' responded by throwing another knife at the attacker. The attacker caught it in midair.  
  
"Nice try faggot," he hissed, lunging at the 'shadow'. The attacker somehow stabbed the knife into the 'shadow's' body. The 'shadow' cried out in pain, and Devi watched the knife sail into the air. The hand of the attacker grabbed it, and thrust it toward the 'shadow'. The 'shadow' tried to push the knife away, but was wrestled to the ground, the knife held just before his throat.  
  
The attacker was about to stab the 'shadow's' neck when the 'shadow' suddenly threw a well-placed kick into the attacker's groin. The attacker flew backward, dropping the knife.  
  
The 'shadow' grabbed the knife and drove it deep into the attacker's chest. The attacker fought back for a moment, hitting the 'shadow' squarely in the head with a fist and sending the 'shadow' sailing backward into the brick wall and sliding down, hitting some garbage cans with a loud crash. Then the attacker gave a moan and fell silent. He was dead.  
  
Devi sat up in shock, looking around the dark alley. The 'shadow' was a dark lump on the ground near the trashcans. Devi stared at the lump. The 'shadow' sat up slowly, pulling himself shakily to his feet. He looked in Devi's direction.  
  
Oh great, she thought. Some homicidal freak was going to finish her off just like her attacker. He moved toward her. Devi was sure he was going to pull out another knife, but he only held out his hand. Devi was confused for a moment until she realized he was trying to help her, and she took it, climbing to her feet erratically. His hand was slim and cold. He let go of her hand. The faraway street lamp was illuminating the man's eyes, and they were large and black. Very familiar.  
  
"You OK?" he asked, in a very familiar voice.  
  
"Yes. Thanks for that. But...Who are you?" she asked. She knew it was someone she'd seen before.  
  
"Erm," the man said nervously. There was a dark, glistening spot on the shoulder of his shirt; blood. And suddenly Devi recognized the young man. She couldn't believe she hadn't before.  
  
"Nny?" she asked in alarm.  
  
Nny skittered off into the dark.  
  
"Nny, wait!" Devi said. He disappeared from view, and Devi sighed.  
  
*/*/* Nny headed off toward his residence. When he reached it, he charged inside. He sat down heavily on the sofa, and grabbed a piece of torn cloth off the ground. H held it against his shoulder, which was bleeding copiously. The blood quickly soaked through the cloth. It had already soaked through his black shirt. He put the cloth down and allowed the blood to run down his arm. It dripped onto the sofa, and Nny watched it intently. And suddenly there came a soft, rapping noise. Nny jumped three feet in the air, coming back down onto the couch with a thud. The soft sound came again. Nny was unable to work out what it was. Then it hit him. The door. Someone was here to visit him.  
  
He hoped it wasn't someone like Jimmy again. He picked up a small dagger and crept to the door. He opened it a crack to reveal Devi, standing on his doorstep.  
  
There was definitely something wrong with this picture.  
  
Nny threw the dagger aside and opened the door all the way, at a snail's pace.  
  
"Um, I think you've got the wrong address," Nny said cautiously.  
  
"Hello, Nny," Devi said.  
  
"Uh, hello Devi ," Nny said quietly.  
  
There was a long, uncomfortable silence.  
  
"I know this sounds a bit rude, but what are you doing here?" Nny asked inquisitively.  
  
"What do you mean?' Devi asked.  
  
"Err, do you want to come in?" Nny asked.  
  
"I guess so," Devi said.  
  
Nny opened the door to its fullest scope, and moved aside.  
  
Devi cautiously inched inside.  
  
The two of them stood there awkwardly, the silence mounting.  
  
"So, aren't you going to start screaming at me?" Nny asked desolately, staring at the bloodstained floorboards.  
  
"No," Devi said. She sat down inelegantly on the floor. Nny sank down beside her, after a moment of vacillation.  
  
"so...............?" Nny asked quietly.  
  
"Thank you," Devi said.  
  
For what?" Nny asked , shuffling his feet against the floorboards, and shifting around.  
  
"You saved my life," she said.  
  
"No. I don't think that guy was even going to-" Nny began.  
  
Devi silenced him with little effort.  
  
"No. You saved my life. If you hadn't showed up.......I don't even want to think of what would have happened," Devi said with a shudder.  
  
"Yeah well-" Nny said. He couldn't think of anything else to say, though.  
  
"Nny, I know you kill people. But you saved me. No one else would have done that for me," Devi said.  
  
"I'm sure someone else would have-" Nny began. He then fell silent. He stared at his knees.  
  
Devi hesitated for a moment, then reached out her hand across the warped floorboards and took Nny's hand in hers. Nny jumped slightly, and stared at her hand around his own. She looked at him inveiglantly for a moment.  
  
"Nny, may I ask you a question?" Devi asked softly.  
  
"Yes," Nny said nervously.  
  
"Why did you...try to kill me before?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, I-you see- the doughboys," Nny said.  
  
"Huh?" Devi asked.  
  
"OK, let me explain everything," Nny said. He glanced at her hand around his and took a deep breath.  
  
More soon.  
  
~Moonchild 


	5. Confessions and Anger

Disclaimer: I own none of the great Jhonen Vasquez's work.  
  
Nny took another deep breath.  
  
"OK. I know this whole thing sounds crazy. Would you like to hear about the small motivation of the moment I tried to kill you, or the bigger picture behind the insanity that forced it?" Nny asked.  
  
"Well, if I'm going to listen, you might as well tell me the whole thing," Devi said.  
  
"Alright then. You see, I never had a very good life. From the time when I was small, my father was abusive. He took up smoking one day, and then it shot into drinking. He beat my mother and me. She always told me, someday it would be OK-" Nny's voice faltered as he almost burst into tears. "But then I remember. I was 11, and one day my parents went out for a drive to the supermarket. My mom was just going to go, but then my dad said..said he was going to go along. I remember how the last thing my mother ever said was...was..she said 'I love you Nny. Stay out of trouble.' And then they left. When they were one the way to the store my father.....stabbed her. I didn't find out until I saw it on the news an hour later and...and.. And..." Nny choked out.  
  
Devi looked shocked. OK, so he was a maniac, a monster. But this? Even someone like that shouldn't have to go through that kind of pain. She felt so much..was it pity, or was it sympathy?  
  
Nny was looking at the floor. His eyes were filled with tears.  
  
"Nny I never knew. You can stop now. It's alright. You don't have to go on," she said.  
  
Nny wiped the tears from his eyes and spoke. "No. I have to go on. You have to- have to understand. I guess it goes unarticulated at this moment, but I owe you a lot. More than I owe any of the fuckers that I slaughtered. More than anyone else. You have to know why I tried to kill you," Nny said.  
  
Devi looked at him vigilantly. "Ok then. If you want to go on, go on," she said. She inched a little closer to Nny across the floor. Just a few inches closer, but it gave Nny the heart to continue.  
  
Nny gathered his repose. "OK. Anyway, after my mother died I was a wreck. And I lived alone with my dad, so you can imagine how that was. He still beat me. And finally when I was 13, I killed him. I slipped...poison in his beer bottle," Nny said, dropping his head into his hands. "I feel so....rotten."  
  
Devi watched him in shock. Here was the man who'd tried to kill her, feeling remorse about a murder he'd only done to save himself. And also shock that he'd killed his own father. It was so...staggering.  
  
"Nny?" Devi asked gently.  
  
"Yes?' Nny asked, slowly raising his head.  
  
"I'm.....I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know I can't possibly know what it's like, but I know what it feels like to hurt. You didn't deserve any of it." she placed her hand cautiously on his shoulder, to comfort him a bit. He jumped at her touch. He wasn't used to people trying to make him feel better. He was used to them trying to hurt him.  
  
Devi was almost angry with herself. 'You're supposed to be hating this guy, remember? He tried to kill you!' said a small voice in her head. 'He still doesn't deserve to hurt like this,' she told it. But he had tried to kill her. Yet she couldn't bring herself to hate Johnny. No matter how hard she tried. It was almost like it was impossible.  
  
"I've hurt a lot of people. I deserve any pain I may get, come what may. Now I must go on," Nny said.  
  
Devi nodded wordlessly.  
  
"After my father was dead, I was an orphan. I was shipped to an orphanage straight off, when the police came to my house. I lived there for a year. And then, happily, an aunt came for me. I didn't stay at her house long, though. I don't know why. Maybe I was too much of a freak. So, then it was back to the orphanage. For a few months. All the kids making fun of me again. Then, over the next year I was shipped around to about six different family members' houses. None of them put up with me for long. And then one of my uncles came. He was different. I could tell from the beginning. And he kept me. I stayed with him for a while, until I was seventeen. And I was pretty happy, considering I was an emotionally scarred orphan. Then I moved here. Out on my own. And you'd think my life would be greatly improved, when I moved away. But truthfully, I think that's when things started going.......bad," Nny said, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling.  
  
Devi looked at him attentively for a few seconds. "Is that it?" she asked.  
  
Nny shook his head vigorously. "No. There's more. Much more. After I moved away, I was happy. For a while. But then things began to get...odd. I was lonely, so I bought a pet rabbit. It made me somewhat nervous, so I ended up feeding it once, and nailing it to the wall. And then, it started talking to me. I liked it after a while, despite the fact that it scared me at first. And I figured out it was my own voice. My own internal conversation thrust out into my surroundings. I thought I was going crazy, but it's really just my creativity going to a new extreme. At least I think so. So I had someone to talk to then. But that's not the half of it, oh no. After I'd lived here for about four months, I woke up one morning, and sitting on my dresser were two Styrofoam doughboy dolls. I had no suggestion as to how they got here, but there they were. I disregarded them for a while, but then, they began speaking. Just like my much-loved little Nail Bunny, but then I found out they were poles apart. The doughboys, Mr. Fuck and Psycho Doughboy, they were called, were evil. At least Psycho Doughboy was, anyway. He began talking to me, late into the night. Saying..things. Telling me that I must...must get back at those who had maltreated me. I told him no, but he insisted over and over that I kill all the people who had ridiculed me over the years. And at last, after months of this, I killed. I just wanted the doughboys to leave me alone. I threw them out, but they kept coming back. And then, pretty soon, I killed more and more. And then, it was for little reasons-"  
  
Devi had been staring at him for quite some time. And then she cut him off. "Waidamminit! You mean to enlighten the fact that you kill OTHER people!? I thought it was just the shit-in-the-pants guy, and me! You're totally homicidal!?" she asked in alarm.  
  
Nny looked at her despondently. "Erm...yes. I did! But I don't anymore! Devi, you have to believe me!" Nny said desperately.  
  
"You're telling me that you've killed tons of innocent people, and now you want me to believe that you don't anymore! It's bullshit! You know you still kill people!" Devi said swiftly.  
  
"Devi, listen to me!" Nny said urgently.  
  
"Ha! That's a laugh! I don't listen to cold-blooded contract killers, thank you very much!" Devi said harshly.  
  
Devi please!" Nny said.  
  
Devi stopped shouting and looked fiercely at him.  
  
"Devi, I would never, ever hurt you again. You've got to understand. I'm better now. The doughboys are gone! They aren't ever coming back. I'm under my control now. Not theirs, not the wall's, not anybody's but mine. And yours, it seems like, by the way you can silence me so robotically. But maybe it's not control. Maybe it's because I- oh never mind! Just don't say things about me you don't know are true! Yes, I killed people, and I know it was dire by now. But it's over. I promise," Nny said without delay.  
  
Devi stood up. "Well, if that's all you have to say for yourself, I'm leaving," Devi said. She turned to leave. Nny looked up.  
  
"Devi?" he asked quietly  
  
"What?" she asked angrily.  
  
"Judge me for what I am now, not what I used to be," he said softly.  
  
"What?' she asked, staring at him.  
  
"I don't kill people anymore. I don't even think I can stand to look at people anymore. Except for you. You're different. You're the only person who I ever thought understood me. The only person I ever thought gave damn about me. The only person I could ever really talk to without feeling like I was speaking to floorboards. You're pretty much the only person I've ever cared about. Please don't take that away. Please," Nny said delicately.  
  
Devi stared at him.  
  
"Just give me a chance," he said in a soft whisper.  
  
Devi didn't know what to say. What do you say to something like that?  
  
"Nny-" she began.  
  
"Don't. Just don't. Please don't scream at me again," Nny said. His eyes were set conscientiously to the floorboards.  
  
Devi thought for a moment.  
  
"I won't," she found herself saying. She crept back to Nny's side and sat down, once again on the floor.  
  
"What-?" Nny asked.  
  
"Go on. What happened after the doughboys?" Devi asked.  
  
Nny looked very taken aback. But he began once more. He leaned back and lay on his back on the floor, his arms behind his head as a cushion. He went on with his tale. Now and then he's yawn. For once, he was actually tired. He kept pausing.  
  
"Um, so then what happened? Nny? Nny?" Devi asked.  
  
Nny wasn't awake. Devi rolled her eyes. She sat quietly for a few minutes. The silence was uncomfortable. She sat there, unsure of what to do. Part of her knew she should go home, since she needed sleep for work tomorrow. But part of her wanted to stay with Nny, no matter what might happen. She finally decided on the responsible choice, and left after a few moments of looking at Nny closely.  
  
He's definitely special, she thought as she left.  
  
She went home, but ended up not sleeping at all anyway. She had too much on her mind.  
  
More.uh..soon.  
  
~Moonchild 


	6. The Appology

Disclaimey thingy: I own none of the work by Jhonen! NONE!  
  
*/*/* The next morning Nny woke up. He left his eyes closed. He was somewhere hard. He remembered, Devi had been here. But he'd fallen asleep. Strange, he'd given up the suggestion that he needed sleep. But since he was waking up, it meant he had definitely fallen asleep, and therefore it could have been a dream. He couldn't believe he'd fallen asleep.  
  
He didn't sleep. Never.  
  
But he had. Had it been a dream? He hoped not. If it had been, then he would positively die. He didn't think he could get all the things he'd said to her (possibly in a dream) another time. He opened his eyes. He was lying on the floor. There was a cramp in his arm from sleeping on it, and he felt rested for once. Last night he'd felt quite zombie-like. But now he felt more human. He sat up, stretching his sore body. He glanced around. He was in the upper level of the house, so one of the boarded-up front windows was letting in some morning sunlight. The once eerie house was actually pleasant. Nny stretched some more and glanced around the floor.  
  
There was a folded piece of paper lying about a foot from him. He picked it up cautiously with two fingers and unfolded it delicately. Inside were scrawled the following words in pencil:  
  
Nny, Even when the wind is at your back, it still feels just as cold. -Devi PS: See you again soon?  
  
Nny folded the paper back up carefully and placed it back on the grubby floorboard. He smiled. He was happy. He hadn't been happy in a while. It was rather frightening. But it was better than a sinking depression. He stood up and walked out of the house. Maybe he'd get a brainfreezy or a fizz-wizz. He wasn't sure what. He just wanted to get out for a while and stretch his legs. Sleep could really do wonders. Or maybe it was the note. The prospect of someone actually giving a thought so much as to write him a message, no matter how short. He's deciphered the message by now. It meant that even when life is as good as it can possibly be, there's always something missing anyway. At least the part that was hard to understand. But the PS, he wasn't sure how to interpret that. Did it mean that she wanted to see him again, or was it merely a question, asking if she was going to see him again? He was confused. Devi simply made him feel that way. Nny strolled downtown, whistling. He wondered what to do with his morning. He then remembered something that he'd wanted to do. He pulled his die-ary swiftly out of his jacket pocket. He ripped out a page and poised his pencil over it, gathering his thoughts.  
  
*/*/* A few hours later Devi reached her apartment, and she was steaming. It had just not been her day so far. She leaned against the wall and heaved a sigh. Tenna came up behind her on her way out of the building.  
  
"Heya Devi! Wussup? Hey, what's that?" Tenna asked, pointing to a paper, folded in half, taped to Devi's door as she passed. Devi gave a small wave to acknowledge that she'd noticed Tenna was there, and turned her attention to the paper. She reached out and pulled the paper gently off the door so as not to tear it. It fell open in her hand.  
  
Devi, Often we are so diverted by endeavors in our own existence that we fail to concede things ensuing in the larger depiction of our being. Often things preoccupy us so significantly that we do not acknowledge things happening in the milieu. Caught up in every daytime distraction, we are to some extent alienated from our emotions. I, having little of such to preoccupy me, have been able to focus on my feelings, the ones that have been mystifying me for rather some point in time. It frightens me quite some to have to acknowledge what I have been feeling for the said period of time. In truth, there are the minority of terms I know of to express these feelings, so I might as well just come clean with it before I change my mind about enlightening you on the matter I speak of. Straightforwardly, the only words I can think of to let you recognize what I am feeling at this point (and what a peculiar point it is for me) are to simply say that I love you. I highly doubt those words are strong enough to let my true feelings be known, but they are the only ones in close proximity to my actual emotions. I could say that I love you, and I believe that I do, but I sense it goes deeper than that. Love can lose color in time, but this, this just stays near me no matter what I do to try and stop it. It is perhaps deeper than love, if there is such an emotion. If so, I believe I feel just that. Often people become slaves to their passions, and I suppose this is true for me, as I don't suppose that ten minutes pass without you being on my mind. It is weird and wonderful, yet alarming that I, seeing what I once was, (but what I am no more) am able to experience such potent feelings as these. I know that you still do not trust me, which is understandable, and I sense that you are not considering amnesty for me owing to my earlier actions. I am not going to lie and say it didn't wound me within by the way our budding relationship did not succeed in the way I anticipated that it would. I know it hurt you Devi. I know there is no way it could have not, for the reason that I assume you were wanting it to turn out in some positive manner, as was I. But, although I am not expecting one, I will merely state that often second chances are prevalent in unsuccessful relationships. And if you would be so inclined, I ask you for that chance. I beg you for that chance, wholeheartedly and honestly. And I assure you that ill-fated attempts on your life will not even be considered if for some outlandish reason you give me that chance. Plain and simple, Devi, I do love you. You are the only person I recall loving in my existence. So it is an alien thing for me. I have little to give, as you know. So as I said long ago, I give you my nothing. It is little more than nothing, anyway. But I give you my heart, wholly. I only pray that my heart may be enough for you, for it is all I have to give.  
  
-Nny  
  
Devi stared at the note in her hand in disbelief.  
  
More soon.  
  
~Moonchild 


	7. Like Glass

Disclaimey thing: I don't own any of JV's stuff. OK? OK. Devi be a little OOC. It's not as JTHM ish as it could be, but who cares? Don't say anything about 'so and so wouldn't do that' 'cause I really don't want to hear it.  
  
Chapter Seven: Like Glass  
  
*/*/* Devi had walked into her house as she read the note, and kicked off her shoes. Her jacket had fallen to the floor, and she was pulling out her pigtails when she finished reading the note and froze. She stared at it. She read through it a second time. She'd never had any idea. She ripped out her other pigtail, setting the rest of her hair free. Nny really felt that way about her, and she'd had no clue. She gaped at the note, and read through it again. The feelings contained where so strong. Nny loved her, and she'd shunned him from the time he first tried to apologize. Now she knew the truth. She could feel tears burning her eyes. She grabbed her shoes and leaped into them, but she didn't take the time to do anything else. She had to do something, and she had to do it now. She rushed out of the apartment. Outside it was nippy, and it was raining lightly. Devi paid no mind, hugging herself in ineffective attempt to warm herself from the chill; she hadn't even grabbed her jacket before leaving the house, she'd left in such a hurry. People stared at her as she passed, eyeballing the young woman who rushed by without a coat in the cold rain. Devi paid no mind. She had to get to where she was going. Her main focus at this point.  
  
*/*/* In Nny's house, he sat quietly on his sofa. It reminded him of Devi. How this had been the last place they'd been together before she'd found out he was a killer. When he'd come so close to her, almost kissed her just once, and with that near-to kiss he had come so close to bliss. Closer than ever before. He'd never been so happy, and then it had been torn away. It was his fault. She'd come so close to forgiving him last night. And he'd had to fall asleep. He was such an idiot. He'd give anything, just anything to have her back. Just to see her again.  
  
Suddenly he leaped several feet into the air at the sound of a knock on the door. He landed again on the couch. He'd never get used to that noise. He went to the door. Why was someone visiting? He didn't need to bring a knife along this time, he was past that. He'd never been this close to sanity, not even before the homicide had started. This time he didn't open the door with caution, he opened it like a normal person would. (A.N: I just realized that in my stories about these characters, I haven't even made Nny kill once! Weird!) He didn't get the chance to see who it was right away, because when the door opened she wrapped her arms around him. Nny was completely and totally shocked. Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck! He thought. And suddenly he pulled back a bit.  
  
"D-Devi?" he stammered. She had tears in her green eyes. She was wet from the rain outside, and her damp hair was a bit messy. It was obvious she'd been in a great hurry.  
  
"I never knew," was all she said.  
  
"Never knew-?" Nny asked.  
  
"I never knew the things you said in that note. Nny I cannot believe how stupid I was. Will you forgive me?" she asked. Nny looked at her blankly.  
  
"ME? Forgive you? For what?" he asked, stupefied.  
  
"Don't ask. Just..don't ask OK? It would take too long to explain," Devi said.  
  
"Well, if you think you did something wrong I forgive you," Nny said.  
  
"Nny, I have to ask you something. Answer me honestly. Did..did you sincerely mean everything you said in the note you left on my door?" Devi asked.  
  
Nny blushed a deep shade of cherry. "Well, y-yes," he said quietly.  
  
Devi hesitated for a few seconds. She couldn't say it. But she had to. It wasn't really a choice. It was reality. She had to deal with it. "Johnny?" she asked.  
  
"Yes?" Nny asked  
  
"I love you," Devi whispered softly. Nny jumped a few feet.  
  
"wh-what?" he spluttered.  
  
"I love you stupid," Devi joked. Nny didn't even hear her. His mind was twirling all around, emotions swirling ubiquitously.  
  
"Did you just say you..love me?" Nny asked.  
  
"Yes," Devi said.  
  
"But...why?" Nny asked. Devi's eyes were still slightly glazed with tears, but she smiled. She leaned closer to Nny and spoke, in a low whisper in his ear.  
  
"You promised with your eyes you'd never hurt me like every other guy did. I thought you were going to, but you didn't. And now I know you never would. Most people looked at me and saw my face, but you were blind to that, Nny. You paid attention to my heart," Devi said. Nny didn't know what to say.  
  
"I did?" Nny asked. He hadn't really noticed.  
  
"Yes, you did. You took me somewhere I'd never been," Devi said.  
  
"Er," Nny said.  
  
"Nny, there is one thing I never got to do on our date," Devi said, smiling.  
  
"What?" Nny asked.  
  
"Johnny C., will you pull knives out on me if I try to kiss you?" Devi asked.  
  
Johnny blushed deeply, remembering last time. "Erm, no," he said, his voice shaking. Devi dropped her arms from around him and took both of his hands tenderly in hers. Nny started to shake. What if he lost it like last time. The last thing he wanted was to mess this up. Devi leaned a bit closer to him. He could feel her hands shaking. She was as nervous as he was. Her face moved closer to his, and then she started to kiss him sweetly. Very lightly at first. Nny went rigid for a few seconds, and then went limp. It was better than he'd ever imagined. He'd never kissed anyone in his life. He couldn't believe it was Devi here kissing him. Wasn't she supposed to hate him? The kiss deepened, and Devi wrapped her arms around him. She was still shaking. Nny could feel her wet hair against his forehead. He'd never felt this way before in his life. He put his arms around her gently, as though he was afraid she would splinter like glass.  
  
This whole situation was like glass in a way. So fragile and delicate, yet beautiful in an 'if I drop this it's going to break into a zillion pieces, and even if I glue it back together it won't be exactly the same no matter what I do' sort of way.  
  
Devi was quite surprised at herself. She hadn't done something totally impulsive like this in a long time. It was enormously extraordinary.  
  
A few minutes later Devi broke the kiss. She stroked Nny's cheek gently with her hand.  
  
"Nny, in that note you said you wanted another chance. If you still want one, I'd love to give it to you," Devi said.  
  
"Honestly?" Nny asked. Devi nodded. And Nny smiled.  
  
*/*/*  
  
More soon. It's getting near the end! Oh fuck this chapter was sappier than the old elm tree in our back yard, and that things drippy!  
  
~Moonchild 


	8. The End Chapter

Disclaimer: Arg.  
  
OK, finally the last chapter. SO much shortness!  
  
*/*/*  
  
"Hey Devi," Nny said, picking up the phone.  
  
"Hello," Devi mumbled, trying to talk on the phone and paint at the same time.  
  
"So...I just called to make sure we're still going out at seven..." Nny said, his voice trailing off.  
  
Devi brightened.  
  
"Of course we are. Do you really think I'd miss a date with you, Noodle Boy?" Devi asked. Nny could tell she was joking, but he still grumbled. "Oh yeah. You don't like being called Noodle Boy. Sorry. How's Johnnypoo then?" Devi asked, chuckling.  
  
"It's better than Noodle Boy," Nny said unconscientiously as he smashed Mr. Samsa under the toe of his left boot.  
  
"So I'll see you at seven then," Devi said, unable to stop grinning her face off.  
  
"Yeah," Nny said.  
  
And then he hung up the phone and went to put a chicken in the garbage disposal.  
  
*/*/*  
  
END.  
  
Wow. That was the sappiest story I've even written. WOW, I have finished FOUR of my fics today. YAY! 


End file.
